i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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