i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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