i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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