Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
