I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
