Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
