I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
