I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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