I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
