Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
