Already got asked if we're dating
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
