i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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