I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
