i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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