I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
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