He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
