So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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