Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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