All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
