I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
