Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
