:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
