You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
