I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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