Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
whose parrot is this?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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