you turned your livingroom into a bong?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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