This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
