is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Let's get the cat blown out
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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