He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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