just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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