I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
