I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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