Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
