Umm I'm too high to move.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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