Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
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WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
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Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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