So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
