my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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