I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
