Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
