How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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