It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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