he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
