Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
