Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
