she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
