Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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