I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
