I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
