Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
