I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
