Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
