i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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