i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
