Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i used baking grease as lip gloss
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
