I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
