So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
