You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
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the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
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And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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