I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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