dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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