I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
