i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
