yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
