just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize