Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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