well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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