the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
