One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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