You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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