i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
