You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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