I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
