first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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