i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Acid is not a monday night drug
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
