What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
no, he came in my armpit
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
