question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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